I swear upon Exeter's grave

For all two of you who read this: I will start updating this again soon I promise.

KTMA08 - Gamera vs Guiron

FINALLY it is over. Finally my re-initiation into MST3k has ended. I feel like I just finished the first few weeks of boot camp, and even though I'm still a recruit, it's not as bad as it was at first. It could be partly because by now I'm used to the pain, or it could be because the Gamera movies are finally over! At least... until Season 3. This means starting now, I have a ton of non-Gamera episodes to watch, and I've never been so excited.

This episode was awful. I mean probably one of the worst. Partly because Gamera is a sellout and even though he sold out a few episodes ago, it was most obvious in this one. Why? Well at first he was Japan's nemesis, destroying everything in his path until one small boy stole his heart, and he became friend to all children. But the Gamera episodes used to have terror and science in them! This one was little more than two obnoxious kids on a planet grappling with two obnoxious space alien women, and a big knife-headed monster. It was ridiculous, and I haven't had the urge to stab myself in the leg with a fork in several years, until tonight. But back to Gamera being a sellout - in this movie, he had his own theme song! This really could have been on Saturday morning children's television programming. If you've ever wondered where Power Rangers got their influence, look no further than this episode. I'm just glad it's over, although I already know the next movie is almost completely unbearable, even with the lack of Gamera or fantastic Japanese science explanations.

Joel and the Bots definitely weren't up to par in this one. As usual for the KTMA episodes, there was a lot of silence, and I even caught myself thinking the jokes they'd say... before they said it. Obviously things were still in need of fine tuning on this show, and I certainly don't expect it to get amazing for a while, but Deep Hurting isn't about enjoyment, it's a labor of love to sit through some of these, and I certainly don't expect the skeleton crew including retarded-dog voice Gypsy to hold things together.

Let's get our hands dirty:

It's... knife head... guy!

Our heroes... ethnically diverse kids!

I don't know why, but she ran the whole scene with her eyes closed.

My nominee for "creepiest Gamera character ever".

Again, I'd like to state that I couldn't be happier that the Gamera movies are over for the time being. I honestly can tell you that they were a good reason why I take so long to update this site. I imagine the KTMA episodes will drag on for me compared to future seasons, but nothing like they have since the inception of this site. Also, my annoyance with retarded-dog Gypsy voice is growing by the day... what were they thinking?

Deep Hurting quote: "We could even control the laws of nature with electronic brains. But... a mix-up in the computer brought calamity!"

KTMA 07 - Gamera vs Zigra

This was certainly the most fun Gamera movie to watch so far, and I mean that with all sincerity. After suffering through three other very awful Gamera movies, they finally decided to change up their formula adding earthquake creating space aliens (in tin foil and spandex no less), not one but TWO children, and some awesome environmentalist propaganda guilting humanity into taking care of their oceans. What's worse is the children in this movie seem to be even younger than in the past, but their voice actors are significantly older. I really wonder what it would be like to watch this movie with the original Japanese language, considering the fact that these two ankle biters are such major characters, listening to them yelp needlessly about Gamera, among other things for the better part of an hour. It was also excellent to hear them argue about who had a better looking mother - OH THE PAIN, I HATE YOU SANDY FRANK.

Here's some action shots:

"Very Incredible Movie Theater 4"

Don't ask. Just don't ask.

Believe it or not, this epic battle of fire... occurred under water.

Our heroes, ladies and gentlemen!

Leave it to the Japanese to sort of make friends with everyone at the end of the movie and defeat all that is evil. Oh god. One more Gamera movie left. This is truly deep, deep hurting.

Deep Hurting quote: "It will be... the greatest earthquake! Magnitude 18, no less!"

KTMA 06 - Gamera vs Gaos

Well, as I expected, this one was just as painful as the previous two. But I've committed as of tonight to plow through the next two episodes, for they are the last two Gamera episodes! At least... until they re-do them for Season 1. But after the next two, I have thirteen episodes to look forward to that are not Sandy Frank syndications.

This episode was better than the last for the sole reason that they "adjust" Tom Servo's voice about halfway through. They go from Josh Weinstein sounding like he was just kneed in the groin to a more "natural" sounding voice for him, also resulting in a much less irritating experience. There were also some pretty good lines coming from him, but you can clearly tell that MST3k at this point still does not have a script, as Weinstein keeps interrupting Joel. However, out of the three I've watched so far, this has been the most enjoyable, but that's not saying a lot since I now want to do nothing but drink the pain away.

Let's get to it!

Brother, you don't know the half of it!

Laughing or crying, it's all the same to Gamera.

We do what we must, because we can!

Two more Gamera episodes and this project will FINALLY be less painful. Don't get me wrong, I love Mystery Science Theater, but "2 weeks in a row is ridiculous!"

Deep Hurting quote: "...but I believe the Monster must have some system of double throats!"

KTMA 05 - Gamera

Obviously MST3k was still new, and they were trying out new things. What did they try out for this episode? Why, they excluded the Crow and Tom in the commentary! Yes, it was Joel, all by his lonesome for the whole movie. I kept wondering if it was only for some of the show, but the bots never joined, and I began to question my own sanity. The only thing that kept me going was realizing that Joel was probably even crazier than I for not letting them join him. This was a blessing in disguise though, because I didn't have to hear Josh Weinstein's Tom Servo voice. Hallelujah!

Some shots:

Icon of pain.

Joel's Mullet stylist.

Call a turtle, see if it answers.

Sandy Frank, Sadist Syndication

So there you have it! I have three more consecutive Gamera episodes to trudge through, hence the delay in updating. Until now Manos or Fugitive Alien were matched by few as "the most difficult MST episodes to watch". Well, count Gamera among these privileged few. I only do this for you, dear reader.

Deep Hurting quote: "TIBBY! ... TIBBYY! ..... TIBBY?! ... TIBBYYY!!!"

KTMA 04 - Gamera vs Barugon

This is the first MST3k that is still available digitally. The KTMA episodes 0 - 3, unfortunately do not exist anymore.

Not a whole lot to say about this episode, except that the movie starts out with some sort of nuclear accident, then some monsters, then some Japanese actors talking in the most wonderfully dubbed American accents, then some fighting, then a plot device, then more fighting, and then the conclu-- hey, isn't this every Japanese giant-monster movie ever? Here's some shots from the movie:

Gamera's flying turtle shell

Man: the true monster!

The embodiment of MST3k

This is also the first of many, many Gamera movies that MST3k did. In fact, I have 9 more to suffer through, and several of them were re-done for Season 1, which means I get to see Gamera vs Barugon again (among others). This is truly the meaning of "Deep Hurting".

I hope you enjoy checking this site once in a while.

Deep Hurting quote: "Now Doctor... isn't the rainbow, similar to a death-ray projector?"